Lost Again

Well, I thought things were going real well there for awhile, and of course, since it's "me", I am me and things will never change for me, things always go bad for me. Nothing is good in my life right now and it's depressing me . For once, I am happy to be going to work, at the one job i really hate, because i have nothing else to do and no one to be with. My family doesn't talk to me. Nicole is the only one...and that's slowly going away. Troy won't even talk to me anymore- I don't even know what I did wrong, if anything! I just can't help but wonder- is this how my life is always going to be and is it going to get worse since i'm getting older? My family are growing in different directions, which is what their suppose to do, makes sense...but I'm stuck here. I have nothing. People are starting their own families and buying homes. Even christina from hs is buying (BUYING) her own townhouse in prescott and she's only 19 or 20. what is wrong with me or does God just hate me? It's not f air. I hate this...and I just don't know what to do anymore- just accpect it? I don't want to do that because I hate being alone. I really do. I feel like Jo in Little Women...she didn't want things to change either...she wanted things to stay the same, and she was upset because everyone's lives were changing around her and she was just staying the same....stuck. Except there is one big difference between Jo and I...she's fiction, she's from a movie- which is always more exciting than reality and we all know she has a happy ending and real life isn't like that. Real life sucks ass and there is nothing I or anyone can do to change that. I just have to accept it because there is no way around it. When I was born, I got delt with a suckie pair of cards and I just can't get a break.